This is the story of your life.
We were so excited when we found out about you. I was hesitant to believe that it was real. It took a few days and three tests for me to finally believe that you were really there, just tiny potential.
From the moment we had even the thought that you could be, we prayed for you. And we started loving you. We told those closest to us, we couldn’t wait to share the news of you. It was the day before my birthday and you were the best gift I could ever ask for. A baby. Our own little person.
I woke up on my 29th birthday to the most intense pain I had ever felt. Something was wrong. We decided to go to the hospital immediately. I was afraid that I was overreacting, I can be a tad hypochondriacal. After a long wait and a brief examination, the extremely kind doctor explained that you were gone. There was no cause, I hadn’t done anything to hurt you. I had only just known for sure that you were there. Less than 24 hours later you were just gone. I lost you.
The rest of that day turned out to be the worst of my life so far. We shared news again but this time, every time we repeated it, repeated the word, it wrenched at our hearts.
Miscarriage. I miss carried you. I didn’t carry you. I didn’t hold you. Not properly or well enough or long enough.
It’s natural. It happens a lot. It’s not anyone’s fault. There’s nothing that could have been done. It’s more common than most people think. It was so early. But I still feel the pain of losing you.
You were barely the size of a poppy seed. You didn’t have a name, or a funeral. Some may say you weren’t very much at all.
But for a brief while, you were a life. And you were ours. And now, you’re His again. You were created by love, and now you exist surrounded by the most perfect love.
I share your story because I now know that so many women go through this, and don’t need to go through it alone. This isn’t something that blows over. This affects families and marriages and mothers. This can breed fear and feelings of inadequacy or guilt. I have heard so many stories, nearly everyone I have spoken to about this has some experience of it.
So this is your story, and mine. I hope that at the very least, it helps someone else to feel the support and understanding I have encountered. You were a blessing, and your story may yet be a blessing of comfort to someone else. ❤